Us menfolk can justify buying most anything. Now this statement should come as no surprise to all who have to put up with us. Trust me, it also comes as no surprise to The Wife.
Well, it looks like the apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree. The Boy can justify purchasing things I never even thought about, although he’s not the only one in that family that can. Seems the Mean Lady that keeps stealing our grandbaby can also.
It’s not fair, I tell you. Simply not fair. For some reason, just because our daughter-in-law created, carried, and gave birth to Little One, she actually thinks she has some kind of ownership.
Yep, I know it’s silly. And that’s what we say each time the Mean Lady walks out the door with her, but I guess Mom actually needs to spend some time with Baby.
So The Wife and me, we begrudgingly give Little One back. After all, the Mean Lady does buy Baby some really shiny stuff.
While The Boy’s out buying shiny stuff of his own, like a new riding lawnmower, a chainsaw, and a complete set of battery-powered tools, the Mean Lady is inside buying shiny stuff.
For example, Little One now has a zebra hat with ears, shoes that squeak when she walks, and pants with cute pink ruffles on the bottom. But the lists of shiny purchases have just gotten started.
After moving into their new home, The Boy bought a refrigerator larger than a car and a surround sound system for the television so loud that the neighbors can actually listen to movies for free. (He’s so thoughtful.)
Though it does have a 30-pound limit, their new dishwasher can even give a dog a bath. Okay, that may be a little exaggeration on my part, but after it cleans them, I’m pretty sure the fancy dishwasher can even put dishes back up in the cabinet.
Not to be outdone, the Mean Lady has made a few shiny purchases of her own. January brought the first snowstorm to their house and something else — a new highchair for Little One.
It reclines, vibrates, and comes even equipped with bass surround sounds of its own. The deep rumbling sounds come from somewhere underneath whenever she’s finished eating. At least I think it’s the chair making those sounds.
In February, Little One also got a new play fort. Cleverly disguised as a wood dining room table, it’s large enough to entertain a small army, and she spends hours under it playing hide-and-seek with her brother and sister.
The table was large, but not to be outdone, The Boy had even a larger purchase in mind – a new car.
Did he buy a sports car, a used luxury vehicle, or a pickup truck so tall you have to use a ladder to climb up in it?
No, The Boy has had all of those in the past. He went out and bought a minivan. Yep, I kid you not – a minivan. Seems he’s finally grown up and is now an official family man.
Of course, it did come fully equipped with all the latest electronic stuff for the grownups and entertainment centers for the kids.
Seems there’s more shiny stuff in their near future. Wednesday is the Mean Lady’s birthday. There’s no telling what new shiny stuff The Boy or she will buy.
My guess is it’ll be something for Little One’s little sister, Little Bit. After all, she’s due to make her debut into the world in just a few more weeks.
Happy Birthday, Mean Lady; your shiny present from The Wife and me is in the mail. Now, give us back our grand baby!
[Rick Ryckeley, who lives in Senoia, served as a firefighter for more than two decades and has been a weekly columnist since 2001. His email is firstname.lastname@example.org. His books are available at www.RickRyckeley.com.]